


Alex Krycek's Mechanical Sex Hand

by cmonlauraweremarriednow



Series: Bad MSR [4]
Category: The X-Files
Genre: Crack, NSFW, Smut, bad fic is the best fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-22
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2019-03-06 08:20:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13407222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cmonlauraweremarriednow/pseuds/cmonlauraweremarriednow
Summary: Alex Krycek returns to woo Scully armed with a secret weapon.





	Alex Krycek's Mechanical Sex Hand

**Author's Note:**

> Intentionally terrible, entirely indecent, and absolutely NSFW. You will ~~definitely~~ probably be scarred.

Dana Scully was waiting in the basement office for her partner on the streets and between the sheets, Fox Mulder. She was impatiently horny. He was supposed to have been there an hour ago to flood her cavern with his spooky juice, but alas her lady cave was dry. She was not pleased. Suddenly, a skulking dark figure appeared in the doorway. She looked up to see sexylicious bad boy Alex Krycek leaning moodily against the door frame. Scully rolled her eyes.

“Ugh, what do you want?”

Krycek crossed the room to where Scully was perched on the edge of the desk. He swept his right hand over her jaw and brushed his thumb against her bottom lip, his lust darkened eyes smoldering into hers.

“You.”

Scully shoved him away from her. “Ew! Go away Krycek! Keep your rat paws off me.”

Krycek stepped toward her again, trapping her against the hard edge of the desk. If he had his way, it wouldn’t be the only hard edge against her for very long.

“Now now, Dana,” he chuckled chidingly. “I don’t think you really mean that. Not once you see what I have to show you…”

Krycek whipped open his long black trench coat to reveal himself.

Scully could not believe her eyes, beholding Krycek in all his bad boy glory. She gaped at him in stunned silence.

“Egads!” she finally gasped. “It’s glorious!”

“C’mon Dana,” Ratboy coaxed. “You know you want to touch it…”

Scully slowly reached out towards him, hand trembling, panties moistening. As a medical doctor, she had seen a lot of things, but she had never seen anything quite like this. She started at the top and began to trail her hand down the length of it.

After his left arm had been amputated by the Russians, Krycek had replaced it. But not just with some regular prosthetic like some kind of common peasant. No, no, no. Krycek had built himself a contraption that was making her restless sex throb helplessly just at the sight of it.

Where he should have had five fingers, he instead had five dildos of varying shapes and sizes. Scully examined each one with scientific aplomb, turning them over and running her fingers over their smooth shafts and knobby bumps and firm ridges. They looked so perfect for soothing the growing ache between her legs. It took all of her restraint not to grab his hand and shove it up her skirt right then and there.

Krycek smirked, “Like what you see, Dana?”

“Yes…” Scully breathed huskily. “Oh yes…”

“I made it just for you.”

Scully was taken aback by this declaration of love and devotion. Devilish ratboy Alex Krycek had feelings? For someone other than himself? For her?

“…you what?”

Those dark eyes burned into her icy blue orbs once again, setting her loins aflame. The dimly lit office was completely silent except for the sounds of their heaving breathing and her pussy drip drip dripping on the floor.

“Dana, I’ve wanted you since I laid eyes on you. Mulder doesn’t deserve a woman of your pulchritudinous magnificence. A woman like you needs a real man. One who can satisfy you in ways you never thought possible.”

Krycek flexed his middle and ring fingers into his palm, activating a squirt of lube from his wrist Spider-Man style. He reached over and pressed his elbow. The arm came to life, vibrations shaking down through the forearm and into the hand. He pressed again and the speed increased. A long press and the pulsation pattern changed. Suddenly, the fingers were snatched back from her, the arm whirring as they retracted into the palm.

Scully stared wide-eyed and captivated. In all her years as a scientist and on the X-Files, she had never seen anything like this! It was magical! A moan slipped from her mouth as her mind began processing all very naughty things that magical mechanical sex hand could do to her. How many empty holes it could fill. How good it would feel to grind on it. How fast it could make her come.

As if he could read her thoughts, Krycek smirked and leaned in to whisper in her ear, cheek to cheek. “I’m going to literally fuck you up.”

“Oh Alex, you really do know the way to a woman’s heart” Scully moaned, eyelashes fluttering as she hiked up her skirt and flung herself back over the desk. “I need your dildo fingers in my lonely holes so badly. Ravage me!”

Krycek growled and grabbed her hips roughly with his regular hand to hold her in place. He didn’t even have to touch her to see how wet she was. Which was very very wet. This pleased Krycek greatly. When he was finished with her, she wouldn’t even remember that spooky idiot Mulder’s name. He had heard the rumors of the Fox hung like a horse, but even the biggest of man dingles was no match for his mechanical sex hand.

His middle finger dildo extended from the palm. He didn’t even need the lube with how wet she was. It was like a Slip-n-Slide. Scully quivered beneath his hand and whimpered in anticipation with unabashed desire.

“Please,” she begged. “Please fuck me up real good with your sex hand. I can’t wait any longer.”

And within that plea, Krycek thrust his hand forward and plunged into her treasure vault.

Scully moaned happily. The mechanical sex hand filled her up completely, the ridges scraping deliciously against her inner walls. Her moaning intensified when Krycek tipped his hand to press his vibrating palm against her pulsing clit. His middle finger retracted and extended in rhythm, jackhammering her faster than any flesh hand ever could. In and out and in and out and in and out and and in again.

“How does it feel, baby?”

“Mmmm good…so so good…” Scully breathed.

Krycek pulled out, drawing an unhappy whine from Scully. She reached to tug his hand back towards the swollen petals of her blooming flower.

“No…come back….”

Krycek bent over the desk to gather her in his arms and pressed his lips to her Titian hair.

“Shhh, don’t worry my precious. I’m not going anywhere.”

A flick of his middle and ring fingers to his palm shot a stream of lube onto her puckered love hole before retracting. His index dildinger with the bulbed head grew and dragged teasingly through her wetness before swiping back up to bury itself inside her Venus fly trap. Scully gasped as his pinky extended next and burst through her back door like an armed burglar. Finally, his thumb emerged to trap her love nubbin under pulsating vibrations that drove her mad. Krycek began a tridented thrust that soon had Scully crying out beneath him.

“Harder, ohhhh fuck me harder, Daddy!” she cried. “I’m so close…so close, Alex…oh, oh please make me come!”

Krycek tipped her up into a sitting position and she flung her arms around his neck, squirming and grinding to increase the blessed friction and get as close as she possibly could to this hand of god. She buried her face in his neck in satisfied relief that all her holes were finally so blissfully filled.

“SCULLY?!”

Scully lifted her head from Krycek’s neck to see Mulder standing in the doorway, shock etched on his face. She met his eyes with her Ice Queen gaze.

“Oh hi Mulder,” she said callously casual. “I thought you weren’t coming. So Alex and I are coming instead.”

She tossed back her head and closed her eyes, quivering as the throes of passion finally overtook her and she clamped tightly around Krycek’s dildingers with a squeal of pleasure.

Mulder dropped to knees in heartbroken agony, “Scullaaayyyy!”

That was where the Lone Gunmen found him six hours later, huddled in the corner, arms wrapped around his knees, rocking back and forth.

“Scullyyy…Scully…Scully…Scul…”

“I know, buddy, I know,” Byers sympathized.

“Women, man,” Langly chimed in. “They bring nothing but pain and misery.”

“How would you know?” Frohike laughed. “You’ve never had one!”

Langly elbowed his midget friend in the shoulder. “Shut it, Frohike!”

Frohike slapped back at Langly. “No, you shut it!”

Langly slapped Frohike. Frohike slapped Langly. Slap slap slap slap slap.

“Langly, Frohike, both of you shut it,” Byers chided. They ignored him. “HEY! Stop! This isn’t about you!”

Langly and Frohike looked guiltily down at the floor.

“Come on, Mulder,” Byers pulled Mulder to his feet, stumbling as he supported Mulder’s sobbing, blubbering mass. “Let’s go back to our place. You can stay with us for a while.”

Mulder spent the next two weeks huddled in a ball of snot and tears on the grungy couch in the Gunmen’s lair, cuddling Frohike’s suspiciously familiar redheaded Waifu pillow.

“Come on, man,” Byers grumbled as he stumbled over Mulder’s pyramid of beer cans. “You can’t sit around and mope like this forever.”

“Hey!” Mulder protested. “You ruined my masterpiece! I’ve been working on that for weeks! My life’s work, my magnum opus, the 8th wonder of the world.”

Frohike came up from behind and smacked him on the head with a rolled up copy of The Lone Gunman. “Get yourself together, Mulder! If you want Scully back, you have to show her who the real man is. Fight like a knight for your lady. Whip out your sword and challenge him to a duel.”

“He’s right,” Langly chimed in. “Bitches love a lovers duel.”

A burst of energy shot through Mulder as he jumped to his feet, the tattered couch blanket billowing behind him like a superhero cape. “I will be avenged!” he shouted. “Stand aside boys, I’m going to get my lady back.”

Mulder could hear her moans echoing down the hall before he even reached the door, anger flowing through him like hot lava. No one made his Scully make those noises but him. No one. He raised a well-muscled forearm and pounded on the door, sinews rippling with the force.

“Open up, Krycek! I know you’re in there!”

The door swung open to reveal a shirtless Krycek with a naked Scully wrapped around him like a spider monkey.

“What do you want, Mulder?” Krycek sneered.

Mulder pushed inside without an invitation. “I’m here for my woman.”

Scully dropped down from Krycek and stepped back to watch the two men square up. Mulder placed two large hands on Krycek’s bare muscular chest and shoved him backwards. Krycek stumbled and shoved Mulder back.

Scully gasped. She had never had two men physically fight over her before. It was hot. And now she was hot and bothered.

“I challenge you to a duel for the affections of this fair maiden, Ratboy!” Mulder declared. “Winner take all.”

“You’re on, Foxy.”

Krycek bared his teeth in a rodent screech and shot out all five dildingers. Mulder let out a feral growl and lunged at Krycek, knocking him to the ground. The two rolled around on the floor, clothes torn off, punches flying. Krycek five-star slapped Mulder across the face with his dildos. Mulder yanked a clump of hair from Krycek’s chest. They both ended up completely naked, oiled up and slipping in the lube from Krycek’s palm, circling the living room like crouched boxers in a ring.

Scully stood by, breathlessly aroused, watching the scene unfold before her. Her hand was buried between her legs, a plumber battling a leaky faucet. She slid her finger into her moist canal, bucking wildly like a bronco against her own wrist.

Krycek licked his index dildinger and mmm’ed in pleasure, meeting Mulder’s eyes with a lascivious smirk.

“Still tastes like her…”

Mulder launched himself at Krycek a final time, landing on his chest to pin him to the ground, and wrapped his hands around Krycek’s neck. Krycek flailed wildly, jabbing at Mulder’s face with his dildos and wet-willying him at full vibrator speed. Mulder squeezed harder and harder until Krycek’s face turned blue and his eyes popped out Iike grapes. Mulder shoved himself off Krycek’s lifeless body as his undulating dildos gave a sad final twitch.

“Huzzah! The enemy has been vanquished!” Mulder shouted, pumping his fist in the air. He ran over to Scully and gathered her naked body in his strong arms attached to his naked body, crushing her soft lips against his. He pulled away to press his forehead against hers and gaze lustily into her oceanic orbs.

“Scully, I missed you so much!” Mulder pleaded. “I can’t live without you. I can’t do this alone! Please say you’ll be mine again!”

“Oh my sweet spooky puppy,” Scully cried, threading her hands through his soft hair and smushing her cheek to his, the flowing tributaries of their tears combining into a river of pain and glorious reunion. “I’m so sorry! I don’t know how I let myself be distracted by his shiny baubles when you’re the one I truly love!”

All of the naked closeness was causing a spooky stirring. Scully smiled happily as his legendary sleeping dragon awoke and rose up to greet her.

“Look, he’s saying hello…he missed you so much!”

Scully leapt into his arms and wrapped her legs around his waist. Her wetness seeped from her slit and settled in the nest of his pubic hair. She was so ready to have him inside her again. As good as Alex Krycek’s mechanical sex hand was, it couldn’t compare to the feeling of Mulder alive and throbbing and pulsing inside her, shooting his spooky sauce into her barren womb like a fire hose. She needed him inside her so badly.

Mulder’s strong arms tightened around her as he lowered her to the floor, his plump bottom lip attached to her neck like a barnacle. He was going to stake his claim and plant his flag in her foxhole. She was his. HIS. No one else’s. No matter how many dildos their mechanical sex hand might have.

Scully moaned desperately as she reached for his throbbing member. “Even all five of his dildingers can’t compete with your foxy cock. He’s nowhere near as big as you are!”

Mulder sank his teeth into her neck and buried his hard log in her flowing flume with a single thrust.

“Oh Scully, how I’ve missed being inside you. My spooky sausage was so cold and lonely without your lady buns around it. You feel so fucking amazing baby!”

He thrust hot and deep inside her. She buried her face in his neck, freefalling in his arms off the Cliff of Orgasm into the Sea of Ecstasy. She shouted his name as she came and squirted like a geyser, erupting around him like Old Faithful. Mulder moaned as her warm fluids gushed everywhere. His dragon roared and released a fiery burst of cum inside her.

“It’s such a shame about the hand though,” Scully lamented with a sigh, as she lay against his muscled chest, slick with sweat and lube, basking in the afterglow. “It really was a masterpenis. Very handy.”

Mulder looked over at Krycek’s motionless corpse thoughtfully for a moment. “It’s battery powered, you say?”

Eight years later, on a mantel above a fireplace, in an unremarkable house, in rural Virginia, a mounted mechanical hand cast a spooky five-dildoed shadow over two naked bodies writhing orgasmically on a Reticulan-skin rug.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments make me the happiest clam in all the sea  
> You can also follow me on Tumblr [@realmofextremepossibility!](http://realmofextremepossibility.tumblr.com)


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